Friday, August 29, 2014

Steak Or Stakeout?

Having recently completed the past six weeks of my grilling for one basic training here at The Country Bunker™ my mission requirement for now is to focus on...Tactical Grilling.
With all the violent confrontations globally and domestically one never knows when some peaceful protesters may show up one night to loot the backyard of patio furniture or lawn gnomes while one is busy flipping a protein rich slab of animal flesh over hot coals.
Imagine for a moment that one evening a white Toyota pickup truck with a .50cal belt fed mounted on the bed and loaded with hungry Muslim terrorists holding RPG's pulls up in the driveway to confiscate that whole leg o'lamb self-basting on the Weber rotisserie.

I know it and you know it, now is the time to grill tactical. Introducing…The Tactical Grilling Kit.
What would constitute a Tactical Grilling Kit I ask? Let's see, in my world it would have a kevlar bullet-proof lining. That is an important consideration when cooking for the entire SWAT Team in those demographic changing small suburban towns. It should be fireproof too. Fireproof would be a must-have tactical feature for fending off lamb fat flare-ups or the occasional Molotov cocktail tossed when encountering peaceful protesters spilling out of a community organizing rally.

Check out those loops for holding beer cans (BUD LIGHT WTF???). One of the loops could double as a holder for a tear gas canister making for rapid deployment if an unarmed backyard BBQ pool party got out of hand late at night when the beer keg goes dry or when those peaceful protesters show up to loot the pool cabana. Those are a few things I would consider. Here's some more intel.

From the page:

"Constructed of 1000D Cordura, the Tactical Grilling Apron features three rows of modular attachment across the waist and two rows across the chest. These PALS/MOLLE compatible attachment points allow your Tactical Grilling Apron to accept any of your current kit, whether it be a holster, mag pouches, general purpose pouches, or a med kit, the Tactical Grilling Apron can fit your mission requirement: Steak or Stakeout."
Now there we have it, that makes perfect sense after all. I knew this must have a dual purpose. Just what the busy multitasking special operator/grill tender could have asked for. This would serve as a nice gift for that friend or relative who takes his role in law enforcement or special ops seriously, or for your prepper buddy who desires total concealment when tending a smoky Weber while casually basting that WORL end of days squirrel meat. But wait, there's more:

"More importantly, the Tactical Grilling Kit INCLUDES accessories from Tactical Grilling! First, is the Tactical Beer Shingle. If you’re not grilling with a Tactical Beer Shingle, you may as well go home. Grilling the old way, without a Tactical Beer Shingle on your Tactical Grilling Apron, is like going to the range without ammo, bringing a knife to a gunfight, or spitting into the wind: it just doesn’t make sense. Plus, you also get a Tactical Spatula Sheath to keep your grilling utensils close at hand. Both mount securely to your Tactical Grilling Apron OR any PALS/MOLLE compatible platform. NOTE: No patches included"

No place for a bayonet or machete? Handcuffs? Taser? Not to worry folks, with the PALS/MOLLE compatible system this apron does it all my friend. No patches? Well, in the sidebar "others who have purchased this item also bought" there it was, the MEAT POPSICLE duty patch.
Yes folks, everyone is going tactical. Everything is tactical. Get your tactical stuff today!

1 comment:

Carl from Chicago said...

This is a fantastic post BTW!