My First Colonoscopy

This is as close to crap blogging as I will get.



On Monday afternoon ol' G will be getting the spinster cam treatment. I will be on a liquid diet as of noon today. Then at 3pm I begin to drink a fluid and eat some pills that may launch me into the ceiling of the WC.

UPDATE: Stopped eating solids at 11am. Swallowed four Dulcolax pills at 2pm. An hour later uncontrollable farting commenced, Checked with the University Of Chicago seismic lab and they recorded a disturbance measuring .005 of the Richter scale at approx. 3:23pm.

UPDATE: This is nothing more than overdosing on laxatives. I mixed 4oz. of Miralax powder into a quart of gatorade. At 3pm I began drinking an 8oz glass every fifteen minutes for an hour and it didn't taste bad at all. Then nothing. At 6:15pm gut rumbles began. My first trip to the WC was uneventful. There has got to be more to it than this.

UPDATE: 745pm. Ever make a roux? I have. A roux is the beginning of an excellent gumbo where equal parts flour and olive oil are stirred in a medium warm dutch oven and stirred patiently for over 45 minutes until it becomes a rich, chocolate brown. So far I have seen three bowls of roux. This is nothing like what Billy Connolly describes in the video above. I am going to bed. Tomorrow when I awake there is another quart of spiked gatorade that needs to be chugged.

UPDATE: Monday morning. All went well last night, waking up to squirt only once. Drank the final quart of spiked gatorade. So far this experience has been nothing like the colon blow horror stories. This afternoon: RectumCam.

UPDATE: Tuedsay morning. It's as if nothing unusual happened, horror stories be damned. While sedated I awoke enough to feel some slight discomfort but that was all. They searched, discovered and removed six polyps. These can become cancerous. This is why it's a good idea to make time for a SpincterScope exam, I highly endorse this procedure.