Friday, October 03, 2008

Cub Fans & Why I Can’t Stand Them.


So here we are. Two Chicago baseball teams in the playoffs at the same time and it's getting ugly.

The Sox are down one game on the road losing 3-6 in Tampa. Today is another game. Hell, in my opinion it is a surprise they are even in the playoffs. They were written off by the “experts” too. It's a pleasant surprise just to see them win the division.

The Cubs are down two loses at home and now must travel west to Chavez Ravine for an almost certain burial.

Last May the local media morons already were predicting the Cubs to win the World Series in four games. Footage was shown with Cub fans holding “It’s Gonna Happen” banners and “This Is The Year” signs. Woo-hoo they scream live holding a Miller Lite at the Cubby Bear Bar on Sheffield and Addison. “There you have it, this is Snarky Blonde, now back to you in the studio, Ryan and Muffy”.

Lately their happy talk has turned toward a city, or subway series since the Sox made it. They look into the camera and chortle in their TV news way, “is this finally the year, will the Cubs and Sox finally meet for a championship?” Please… spare me.

Last night I was more interested in the debate but on occasion clicked in to TBS. It was a train wreck, just had to look, with glee I might add. The Cubs lost a second game to the Dodgers AT THE FRIENDLY CONFINES by a score of 10-3. 10-3???? Heh.

This morning I made my usual trip to the mini-mart for the Chicago newspapers.

I generally wear ball caps when I go out and there are many cluttering my closets. Chicago Bears caps, Sox caps, Irish caps, dozens of camo and blaze orange hunting caps and a green one with a gold John Deere emblem (free with purchase). There are at least 50 to choose from. Today I grabbed the fitted New Era Sox game day cap.

When I entered the mini-mart an old lady cashier who works there was leaving her shift as I made my way to the ATM. The other cashier and “Granny” were discussing last night’s second Cub playoff game choke. Granny is a Cub fan. Whenever I happen to wear a Sox cap in that store she is almost certain to talk smack with me about the Sox. Unsolicited. She’s a delusional Cub fan. She refers to the Sox as “that other team nobody cares about”. Typical. I usually just smile, pay and leave.

The young cashier was trying to cheer Granny up and told her that at least she could go home and watch TV today knowing that the Cubs could not possibly lose (since they are traveling to LA for their creamation).

Granny looked up directly at me smiling and said to the cashier “Yep, I get to go home today and watch the Sox lose” in her usual gravely taunting voice. I couldn’t hold back this time.

As Granny left the store right in front of me I said, “Lady, what do YOU think of the worst Cub choke job since ’69? Enjoy it. HA HAA (using my best Nelson Muntz imitation).

She was definitely angry and looking for a confrontation and it came in such a sweet, sweet fashion. Just as we left, three young kids got out of a mini-van and ran to the store, two of them were wearing Sox t-shirts. “Hey Kids Hoo-lee Cow, Go Sox!” I chirped.

Granny turned around again looked at me while getting into her car and said, ”they’re too young to know better”.

With a polite voice I told her, “they may be young, but at least they’re old enough to have seen their team WIN a World Series two years ago.”

ZING!!! Steam poured out of the ears as she slammed her car door cursing with the windows rolled up.

That’s the way it is. My entire life all I need to do is wear a Sox cap, shirt or whatever and someone will eventually come up to me and talk smack about the Sox. From the mullet wearing Sox fan wisecracks at the empty “ball mall” (referring to the new Comiskey Park) or one of my favorites “how come nobody cares about the Sox?”

This all comes totally unsolicited except for the emblem I have on my cap. What’s with these people? Are they all whiny unfulfilled liberals or what? Deep down inside their unhappiness must be such a bitch. Sad really.

When I see a Cub fan wearing a Cub cap all I can do is think of how foolish they are, how delusional, especially when I see one fully festooned in Cub regalia with those Fischer-Price colors and that cuddly Cub character. It’s the most childish uniform in all of the Major Leagues. I don’t feel the need to verbally ridicule them for their alliance to unending futility.

In the past I would mind my own business when confronted by obnoxious Cub fans (are there any other kind?) I generally just smiled. No more.

Now I smack back.

After all, My Chicago White Sox won a World Series in 2005. The hangover still lingers.

And it’s a pretty big stick.

1 comment:

james said...

Well, yes, there are non-obnoxious Cub fans. I married one. Good natured and "90% scar tissue." I don't know if they make them like that anymore, though.

Don't worry about the Cubs--a century's tradition is not lightly set aside.